It has now been six days since I crashed and broke my collarbone and five days since my surgery to plate the four pieces back together. The healing process has already had a lot of ups and downs which are definitely threatening my positive attitude. I am very thankful for Dr. Howard Marans, the orthopedic surgeon who has worked on other racers that were back racing in ten days. Thanks to him I am certain I will still have a strong finish to my season.
Tulsa Tough is in four weeks and I am definitely nervous, but really excited to still have the opportunity to race at that level. I would be lying if I said I was 100% positive and didn't feel the twinge of doubt and self-pity every so often; realistically, more frequently than I'd like to admit. I'm already moving around, doing laundry, and cooking. I'm going to make my first attempt at driving this afternoon (those in the Santa Monica Area should stay off Wilshire Blvd from Bundy to Cloverfield around 2-3 pm) and I think I will actually try to spin my legs out on the trainer this evening. I have had amazing support from those around me but am definitely going stir crazy with all this time on the couch. I can't wait to get up and get back on my bike, feel the wind in my hair and hopefully not too many potholes in the road.
"I just have to make sure that in my mind, I’m ready for being able to play with the pain." –Kim Clijsters
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
"It never gets easier....
....you just go faster" Greg LeMond
I'm beginning to learn the truth of one of my favorite quotes as the season progresses. This year has been a major lesson in suffering. The hardest thing for me to accept has been that others are suffering just as much as I am (well, maybe not just as much.....but suffering none-the-less). I used to just give up when I was suffering badly because I assumed it was easy for everyone else. I figured there was no way I could be competitive with these super-humans or, at the very least, these elite racers with congenital insensitivity to pain with anhidrosis. I am discovering slowly, that none of this is true and that they feel pain the same way I do, but that the way the process it is different.
I have made it farther in each of the races this year than in previous seasons, and I am happy to say that I am finally figuring it out. Now it all comes back to fitness. I guess not all of it as my mind is not completely free of the negative, self-deprecating thoughts, but I am getting there.
I'm beginning to learn the truth of one of my favorite quotes as the season progresses. This year has been a major lesson in suffering. The hardest thing for me to accept has been that others are suffering just as much as I am (well, maybe not just as much.....but suffering none-the-less). I used to just give up when I was suffering badly because I assumed it was easy for everyone else. I figured there was no way I could be competitive with these super-humans or, at the very least, these elite racers with congenital insensitivity to pain with anhidrosis. I am discovering slowly, that none of this is true and that they feel pain the same way I do, but that the way the process it is different.
I have made it farther in each of the races this year than in previous seasons, and I am happy to say that I am finally figuring it out. Now it all comes back to fitness. I guess not all of it as my mind is not completely free of the negative, self-deprecating thoughts, but I am getting there.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Breakthrough
Yesterday marked a complete turning point in my training. Yesterday was the first time this season that I have been in control of my workout instead of hanging on for dear life. It was a complete breakthrough.
While doing "threshold work" earlier in the year, I had in fact been completing my intervals to the best of my ability, never really recovering between each, and getting slower, weaker, and worse as each segment passed. I put threshold work in quotations because I'm not sure you can train your threshold without some sort of base fitness that I seemed to be completely lacking.
Yesterday marked the day the tables turned. When the time came to start each interval I quickly got to my target heart rate and endured the calculated pain. I was actually able to concentrate on pushing harder and keeping my power at target instead of concentrating solely on not throwing up. When the time came to rest my heart rate quickly plummeted proving to be the final testament to my newly found fitness. It feels good to be back pedaling circles again instead of squares, hexagons, or rhomboids.
Let's just hope the progression continues into San Dimas Stage Race in 1.5 weeks....the first big race of our season. Hoping for more breakthroughs on the way to, and during the grueling three-day stage race.
While doing "threshold work" earlier in the year, I had in fact been completing my intervals to the best of my ability, never really recovering between each, and getting slower, weaker, and worse as each segment passed. I put threshold work in quotations because I'm not sure you can train your threshold without some sort of base fitness that I seemed to be completely lacking.
Yesterday marked the day the tables turned. When the time came to start each interval I quickly got to my target heart rate and endured the calculated pain. I was actually able to concentrate on pushing harder and keeping my power at target instead of concentrating solely on not throwing up. When the time came to rest my heart rate quickly plummeted proving to be the final testament to my newly found fitness. It feels good to be back pedaling circles again instead of squares, hexagons, or rhomboids.
Let's just hope the progression continues into San Dimas Stage Race in 1.5 weeks....the first big race of our season. Hoping for more breakthroughs on the way to, and during the grueling three-day stage race.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
"Sunny" California
I guess its not always sunny in southern california! It's been raining for just under a week now which seems like an eternity! I realize as I type that how silly it sounds... a week of rain....ha. I'm actually starting to like the wet weather except for one thing.... rollers.
I never feel like I'm doing enough on the rollers, but I simply cant stay on them for much more that 90 minutes. I've tried movies, techno music, chatting with the boyfriend, silence.... no difference. The good thing is it makes it a lot easier to control your efforts. I feel like I get more out of my intervals on the rollers since I dont have to worry about lights, cars, hills, etc. Its a good thing I live on the west coast considering how well I deal with weather below 60!
The storm should be gone by tomorrow...just in time for Christmas!! I wish I could be heading home for the holidays, but it wil be nice to have people over and sit by the tree and fireplace!
I never feel like I'm doing enough on the rollers, but I simply cant stay on them for much more that 90 minutes. I've tried movies, techno music, chatting with the boyfriend, silence.... no difference. The good thing is it makes it a lot easier to control your efforts. I feel like I get more out of my intervals on the rollers since I dont have to worry about lights, cars, hills, etc. Its a good thing I live on the west coast considering how well I deal with weather below 60!
The storm should be gone by tomorrow...just in time for Christmas!! I wish I could be heading home for the holidays, but it wil be nice to have people over and sit by the tree and fireplace!
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Calculated Disappointment
Its December and my training has been going really well. I'm getting used to longer rides, my heart rate is slowly lowering for the same amount of effort as in October, and my strength is gradually increasing. Super excited about all of that; I am really feeling like a bike racer again! I'm embarrassed to admit that I am nervous to do my "max effort" power test and see that the numbers are still far lower than I'm hoping, but I've gotta start somewhere I guess.
The frustrating part is timing. I had a great ride on Tuesday with my coach, felt strong, didnt go above my endurance HR the entire time, and felt completely efficient on the pedals. Got home, did my normal quick recover routine because I had to work later, then about 3 o'clock started feeling nasty sick. NO!! Needless to say, I've been couch-ridden the past 3 days minus the time it took to go to the Dr's office. Got some inhalers thinking that would immediately fix the problem....nope. Two days later and I'm now on a Zpack. Feeling a ton better already, but disappointed by the training I have lost. I was supposed to do testing Friday and Monday, clearly not happening.
This is an example of how the sport can be so mentally challenging. When you invest so much into a sport and you prepare and do everything you can to be the best you can it's hard to not get let down when an extrinsic factor outside of your control tears it down. It's really difficult for me to be sitting on the couch when all I really want to do is go ride my bike and train. Especially when everyone else is out training, getting faster, and farther ahead of me. As a self-protection mechanism I seem to have invested myself in other things to not get so depressed about situations like this. I've been taking my relationships more seriously, reading, and preparing for Christmas which always brings cheer. I guess at least for another day I'll be on the couch with my two close friends Tissues and Cake Boss.
The frustrating part is timing. I had a great ride on Tuesday with my coach, felt strong, didnt go above my endurance HR the entire time, and felt completely efficient on the pedals. Got home, did my normal quick recover routine because I had to work later, then about 3 o'clock started feeling nasty sick. NO!! Needless to say, I've been couch-ridden the past 3 days minus the time it took to go to the Dr's office. Got some inhalers thinking that would immediately fix the problem....nope. Two days later and I'm now on a Zpack. Feeling a ton better already, but disappointed by the training I have lost. I was supposed to do testing Friday and Monday, clearly not happening.
This is an example of how the sport can be so mentally challenging. When you invest so much into a sport and you prepare and do everything you can to be the best you can it's hard to not get let down when an extrinsic factor outside of your control tears it down. It's really difficult for me to be sitting on the couch when all I really want to do is go ride my bike and train. Especially when everyone else is out training, getting faster, and farther ahead of me. As a self-protection mechanism I seem to have invested myself in other things to not get so depressed about situations like this. I've been taking my relationships more seriously, reading, and preparing for Christmas which always brings cheer. I guess at least for another day I'll be on the couch with my two close friends Tissues and Cake Boss.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Committed
I have always had a difficult time admitting what I truly want. I usually seem to put others' needs and wants before my own, as well as their ideas and opinions-usually to the detriment of my own happiness. I am actively trying to turn this around as it seems to be the major difficulty in my individual pursuit of happiness. But when does acting in a self-sufficient manner become selfish? Or irresponsible? Or simply silly?
I am coming to the realization that I do not want to work a full time job right now. I want to train, and race, and live with my teammates I want to have fun as well, go to the beach, go on day trips, go out and have a beer on a Monday. I want to ride at 10 am for four hours as opposed to trying to squeeze in two hours at 6 am. Obviously, I need to work to pay the rent (oh... I finally found a place!), and bills, and eat. I need to pay for Monday's beers too.
I just feel like right now everything I want is what I have been socialized against my entire life. The plan was always to do well in school, get into a good college, get a degree, then get a job, start a family, feel fulfilled. Working doesn't make me feel fulfilled, I don't enjoy it. I mean, I know no one really enjoys work, but I feel like I have so many other things my time would be better suited attending to. People always tell you to 'seize the day' or 'live for the moment' or 'dont take your time for granted.' If I am to follow those mantras I cannot justify working for tomorrow, for the future, etc. I need to live for right now, and right now I want to enjoy each and every day. I want to be 100% committed to everything I am doing, whether it is a weight session, a sprint workout, being there for a friend, or simply getting a beer on Monday night.
Call me irresponsible, call me selfish, but I am going to do what I want from now on. I'll be honest, I'm sure I'll be hurt if you call me any of those things and more.... but this is a overhaul in my attitude and all changes take time. I just hope its the right thing to do.
I am coming to the realization that I do not want to work a full time job right now. I want to train, and race, and live with my teammates I want to have fun as well, go to the beach, go on day trips, go out and have a beer on a Monday. I want to ride at 10 am for four hours as opposed to trying to squeeze in two hours at 6 am. Obviously, I need to work to pay the rent (oh... I finally found a place!), and bills, and eat. I need to pay for Monday's beers too.
I just feel like right now everything I want is what I have been socialized against my entire life. The plan was always to do well in school, get into a good college, get a degree, then get a job, start a family, feel fulfilled. Working doesn't make me feel fulfilled, I don't enjoy it. I mean, I know no one really enjoys work, but I feel like I have so many other things my time would be better suited attending to. People always tell you to 'seize the day' or 'live for the moment' or 'dont take your time for granted.' If I am to follow those mantras I cannot justify working for tomorrow, for the future, etc. I need to live for right now, and right now I want to enjoy each and every day. I want to be 100% committed to everything I am doing, whether it is a weight session, a sprint workout, being there for a friend, or simply getting a beer on Monday night.
Call me irresponsible, call me selfish, but I am going to do what I want from now on. I'll be honest, I'm sure I'll be hurt if you call me any of those things and more.... but this is a overhaul in my attitude and all changes take time. I just hope its the right thing to do.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Changing Attitudes
The last three weeks have been a polarity of feelings for me. I've gone from really up, to really down, to really up, to really really down. I've sort of settled on middle ground at the moment.. slightly on the positive end of the spectrum, which feels like a good place to be. I have decided to take a more active role in my disposition and my attitude from now on.
"Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same." Francesca Reigler
The motto for my team is "ditch the excuses" and that is exactly what I am planning on doing. I have agreed to try mountain biking, I signed up for an introductory cross clinic tomorrow night (sneakers and all!), and once I get settled in an apartment I'm hunting down some ballroom dance lessons. Things I've always wanted to do, but kept making excuses not to.
Riding has taken a different role in my life since June. I'm excited for next year and the possibilities it will bring, but have also realized that I cant get serious or be consistent with my training until I am consistent in my living, i.e. I need a place to call my own. I am in the middle of applications for two different apartments and am sitting on nails waiting to hear about my favorite. I spoke with the gentleman and he will know by the weekend, so fingers crossed!
Until then, I will be riding for run. Every ride I have been on in the past 3 weeks has been one I really wanted to do and one that I really enjoyed. Training isnt always fun, I know that, but right now I need fun in my life. There has been too much pain elsewhere and I need to heal a bit more in other aspects of my life before I can take more pain on the bike. I am hopeful for what the future brings, and am finally starting to look forward to it with anticipation, not anxiety.
Happy times are here to stay :)
"Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same." Francesca Reigler
The motto for my team is "ditch the excuses" and that is exactly what I am planning on doing. I have agreed to try mountain biking, I signed up for an introductory cross clinic tomorrow night (sneakers and all!), and once I get settled in an apartment I'm hunting down some ballroom dance lessons. Things I've always wanted to do, but kept making excuses not to.
Riding has taken a different role in my life since June. I'm excited for next year and the possibilities it will bring, but have also realized that I cant get serious or be consistent with my training until I am consistent in my living, i.e. I need a place to call my own. I am in the middle of applications for two different apartments and am sitting on nails waiting to hear about my favorite. I spoke with the gentleman and he will know by the weekend, so fingers crossed!
Until then, I will be riding for run. Every ride I have been on in the past 3 weeks has been one I really wanted to do and one that I really enjoyed. Training isnt always fun, I know that, but right now I need fun in my life. There has been too much pain elsewhere and I need to heal a bit more in other aspects of my life before I can take more pain on the bike. I am hopeful for what the future brings, and am finally starting to look forward to it with anticipation, not anxiety.
Happy times are here to stay :)
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